Introvert? By choice / because of no choice?

 

 

 

Why am I pretending to pay attention when I am least interested in what is being taught? Do I have the potential to become another Zuckerberg in this world of unknowns? Do I really belong here? These internal thoughtsstarted to bother me when I was forced to study a course I was not very much fond of. It really feels sickening when you are just a few metres away from reaching the destination but then you are made to reroute. The initial days of college were quite depressing , I used to go just for the sake of attendance and tried way too hard to get inclined towards the subjects being taught in class. Somehow, I managed to get a decent score in the first semester but that was solely because I had no other option than to study for the exams. There were no distractions, the humans around me sounded lame and uninteresting which eventually made me aloof. Whenever I was sad/upset, there was no one to share those emotions with, so it eventually made me cover them up.

What is a competitive market , how balance sheets work made no sense to me. Entering a class full of over enthusiastic students gave me anxiety.

There have been days when interacting with others was so easy for me. All I used to do was just hit a convo, but now even such a simple thing feels extremely difficult. Now, I think twice before approaching a person in college because none of us share a common intellect. I am not sure of how they would react if I told them my sob story- Will they sympathise or they will judge?

I started envying the girls who came in groups, who laughed together, ate together, walked together and that’s how I became an introvert. It wasnt by choice but because I had no choice. I still feel if I had pursued a course of my choice, things would have been a bit different.

It is pretty easy to convert an easy going extrovert teenager into an introvert- Just land them up in a university/course which is not of their choice and your job is done! From sitting in a classroom full of students to going to the mall all by myself, from pretending to be reading on that train to being on the sidelines at social events, I started inculcating all the traits of introversion. Take a note parents- Dragging your child for a traditional course just to get a degree will for sure make him / her independent but it is as useless not getting one.

You have no time to waste, so aim for a secured future by pursuing MBA, they told me, but what my parents actually meant was you dont have time to chase your dreams because its useless to pursue a course which wont support your engineering degree. Partially, they were correct but if given a chance I would anytime choose my happiness over a degree.

Locking yourself from the world, taking antidepressants isnt the only definition of depression. Sometimes when people become hushed, when they start accepting that they belonged to a particular place, they lose all hopes. From childhood, most of the parents fill their childrens ears by giving them all the logical reasons for taking up traditional courses instead of letting them explore their passion. Parents should never force their children to follow their footsteps or go for a particular course just because they feel it is right but daddies need to understand they arent always right.

What is required from parents is to broaden their perspective to appreciate that the child is different from them and has a unique combination of skills and passions.

In this way, they will be less stressed and the children will be free to choose the course which interests them.

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Is love eternal?

Love is beautiful. It is when your heart starts pounding unusually seeing his name on the screen. That fluttery feeling in your stomach when you plan to meet him for the very first time. The long hours of lying in the bed and just talking about the day . And sometimes sleeping on the phone. Stress buster. Pain Reliever. Love is the combination of all. Nobody who has truly fallen for a person has ever done a reality check. Nor do they care about their background. Time passes by , and the level of closeness augments. From picking up fights on silly things to inculcating each others habits- love gets cosier day by day. Spending the whole day together and still not getting bored with each other, going to places with one other to an extent that people stop recognising when one of you isn’t there.

Love is limitless. It knows no boundaries. Lying to your parents just to watch a movie with your lover, trying to turn down the camera of your house for that one night out, bunking classes to spend some more time together, giving up all the bad habits to get that acknowledgement, silently taking the offence just to listen to ‘ You are the one’.

But everything comes down to a state of annihilation when the one’s who gave you birth don’t approve it. When standards don’t match. When they want you to settle for someone who has a real job. And then everything hits you like a truck. You try pushing him away with the heaviest heart. He tries all the means to get back to you but you push him even harder this time leaving him with no probability to come back. And then you cry. The soul longs for the touch and that smell. It carries you to places where you can get your memories refreshed. Where you can picturise the two of you having a moment. You keep going to those places until the day you suddenly see him standing where he used to. And it starts aching. Aching to an extent that you just wanna run away to a whole new planet and never want to hear his voice again. You try to move on but nobody seems to fill that void. Then, you decide to just live by those memories until your heart aches a little less while creating the new ones.